How I am fighting cancer by trying to become a superhero…

My quest to fight cancer and become a... A SUPERHERO

…or how I choose to combat a shitty situation with as much humor as possible.

I did start out being scared of how this would go. The words “Chemo” and “Radiation” are scary, to say the least, but then I thought about it, and decided to combat it by making comical entries in a cancer diary on Twitter.

I have now thought about it and decided to share the first twelve entries with you, plus a few extra posts pertaining to my journey. I hope you find laughter and lifted spirits within.

What are the Cancer Diaries? They are my journey about testing different things to see if any superpowers have manifested while I fight stage 2 cervical cancer. I am a 48-year-old geek going through this. So, I will include where some of the more vague references originate.

Cancer Diary day 1…
Tired, but good. Radiation went quickly.
No glowing effects as of yet. I will keep an on that.
They do not allow pets. This means bringing a spider is out of the question. After much thought, having reactive green-tinted skin and gargantuan strength tied to anger may be dangerous as Cubans tend to have one HELL of a temper.

Cancer Diary Day 2
Radiation went well; however, I am slightly disappointed. I stood in my front yard trying to turn invisible, but all I got were weird stares from the neighbors.
Tried concentrating to shoot photon beams out of my right hand. Nothing.

These were two bonus entries describing a few things. 🙂

Cancer diary Day 3
Radiation went smoothly. I have slight hip pain.
At the suggestion of a friend, I took off my clothes to test invisibility once more.
Was threatened with calls to the cops if I did not put on clothing. -.-
I don’t have urges to turn into an interstellar phoenix and search for a crystal.
Tried to move my cup of water from the kitchen upstairs. I was disappointed to find out I am not psychokinetic.
Tried to emit heat rays from my eyes, zilch.
So far I am getting the short end of the stick.

This is where I being to wonder if they’re hiding anything.

Radiation Oncology is lead-lined. I wonder if they are housing Kryptonite.
I have my suspicions, but I can’t prove them. They escort me to my treatment room and then back out to the waiting room.
It’s weird.

I have Saturday and Sunday off from the treatments. So, I just blogged.

This morning….
Stood in the front yard today with a deck of cards. Neighbors were silently judging me as I focused on making them glow one at a time.

(Above is a reference to Gambit of the X-Men)

Not a combustible bone in my radiated body… yet
I’m practicing my Cajun to see if that helps it along.
Good news thus far… The radiation hasn’t triggered a pseudonym from becoming sentient. That’s a plus. (Dark Half reference for non-King fans)
After trying to make playing cards combustible and failing, I tried to grow by saying “Eneckchok”. I’m still 5’4. That’s disappointing.
(I may have spelled that wrong. Oh well.) (Superfriend’s reference.)

Cancer Diary Day 5
After the fifth installment of radiation, I tried to manipulate water in order to make less trips to the kitchen to refill my 24 oz mug. No water came out of the faucet.
Stood in the front yard to attempt levitation. I felt the stares of the neighbors and thought I heard them muttering about a rubber room and fitted jacket. Did not levitate.
Tried to bend reality. All I got was a headache.
All it gave me was fatigue and nothing else to show for it. I don’t know who organized this experiment, but they stink.

The below are random weekend and morning before treatment entries.

So far this morning, I have tried pulling a Kitty Pride (X-Men… She can phase through solid objects). Thanks to someone’s suggestion I strapped a pillow to my forehead. It didn’t work. I ran right into the wall. I tried to change my appearance (Mystique from X-Men). Hubby was worried I was having an aneurysm. So, that didn’t work either.

Concentrated on a piece of metal (Magneto from X-Men comics) to see if I could get it to move. Hubby ended up tossing it to make me feel better. Still nothing.
Tried to shoot a laser out of my eyes (Cyclops, X-Men. I’m sure you’re seeing a pattern by now. lol). They got dry because I had them open too long. The quest continues.
My stomach, on the other hand, has decided to join a floor gymnastics team. I hope the practice session stops soon.

So far, chemo brain and ADHD have combined to form
Captain Forgetful.
Not the moniker I was hoping for honestly.

By this time, I have nicknamed the Cisplatin Super Soldier Serum for a Captain America reference.

I’m at the hospital being prepped for my super soldier serum. It took three tries to get a vein. My body didn’t like the first two tries. I got dizzy. I’m good now.

Cancer Diary Day 6
Concentrated and stared at Ruby to see if I control her mind. All she did was want to play fetch.
Stood in the front yard in an attempt to create some wind. All I did was fart; not the wind I had in mind.
Attempted to conjure a light rain. I almost peed my pants.
The neighbors stared at me for a bit before taking out their phones to call someone while retreating to their house.
I am convinced they think I am off my rocker. The jokes on them. I never owned one.

The next post was a day after the above. I actually gave it 48 hours, JUST in case.

As I am waiting a full 24 hours to report on the infusion of Super Soldier serum, I can report I woke not an inch taller nor any beginning muscle definition. It’s not looking good.

Cancer Diary Day 7
Sat on the floor to attempt levitation. I succeeded in making my lower back protest.
Tried to move the trash can back into the garage via telekinesis. The neighbor next door scratched their head and then waved at me in a dismissive manner.
Checked myself once again to see if the super-soldier serum kicked into gear. There are no signs of the laparoscopy scars healing nor am I any taller.
Someone lied to me or gave me the wrong stuff.

Cancer Diary Day 8
Gave being speedy another shot. I winded myself. After catching my breath, I experimented with a sonic shout.
The neighbors were frantically dialing their phones.
At this point, I think they believe I have lost my marbles.
I have not lost all of them, but I can’t find the leak in the bag.
I have not grown any taller as of yet. I think they are infusing the serum slowly to watch for any side effects.
More later.

By this time, another moniker came to join the first…

Chemo and ADHD have turned me into Captain Forgetful. Radiation has turned me into Exhaustion Girl. Not the superhero career I was looking to have. After all, you can’t fight evil if you’re forgetting where to go, and you’re too tired to fight it when you arrive.
*arrives on the scene to fight evil* “Ha, I remembered where to go. Wait a second. Don’t kill anyone! I have to take a nap before kicking your butt! I’ll be with you in about an hour!”

Cancer Diary Day 9…
This is day 9, right?
I am beginning to believe they are slowly stealing my energy in order to turn me into an otherworldly being. Maybe they need to put me to sleep in order to infuse me with abilities.
Maybe they haven’t decided yet.
All I know is I attempted to throw sparks from my fingers as I stood outside so as not to damage anything indoors.
The neighbors had brought friends with them this time. I think they were placing bets as money was exchanging hands.
No clue why.

This morning I tried to turn water into coffee. I thought it was working as I started to smell coffee.
Turns out hubby was brewing some.
The quest continues.

Cancer Diary Day 10
Stood in my living room and concentrated on teleporting to my bedroom upstairs. I ended up having to take a dump.
I sat in lotus pose to manipulate time. Two hours later I realized I had fallen asleep during meditation.
When I asked the technicians how long would take for any powers to manifest, they gave me blank stares and left the room.
Could I have been led to the room of an evil villain? Is someone trying to turn me into the next lawnmower man (Stephen King reference)?

Cancer Diary Day 11
Concentrated on the water in the sink to make a whirlpool. I succeeded in making myself run to the bathroom to pee.
Went outside to see if could make a small whirlwind. I managed to belch loud enough to bring the neighbors out of their condo.
They looked concerned and mustered enough courage to ask if I was alright or if I needed help.
I told them I was fine, and that there was no help for me.
I may have phrased that wrong.

Cancer Diary Day 12
Stood outside to call lightning. Ruby stood next to me with her head cocked to one side. I believe she thinks there is something wrong with me other than my changing scent.
Check to see if the healing factor from the serum has kicked in yet.
The scars are still there and now there is pain in my abdomen.
Did they implant an alien embryo inside me? This could be bad. (a reference to the Alien movie franchise.)
What ARE they up to? Don’t they know the risks? Damn corp stooges.

In all seriousness…
The pelvis pain they said would come has arrived. It’s nothing worse than what I have been dealing with most of my life.
That being said, I am starting to see small pieces of the tumor when I go to the bathroom. They also said that would happen.
Seems I am right on track.
So, I am sitting here with a heating pad on my lower abdomen after having taken 1000mg of OTC make-believe Tylenol. This was Tuesday. It means the tumor is dying and my body is shedding the chunks it’s sloughing off. I am winning this battle with a lot of help.

Until next time, keep laughing, and for all of my fellow cancer warriors…
Keep fighting!

Anissa “Maddy” Walker

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