A lot of people say being together and doing everything together can put a strain on the relationship you are in, and in some cases that can be true. Ronin and I, for the most part, laugh, talk, and have fun together as he drives and I ride. I take pictures, talk to him and people on Twitter, and work on blogs and other things.
There are however times when the “being together” part can get a little rough, especially in close quarters.
We are both opinionated and stubborn.
Yes, we get into arguments. Any relationship has them. No, we don’t stomp feet and huff. Yes, we raise our voices. The most important part is we allow each other time to cool our jets and then look back on the argument and see where it went wrong. This often leads to both of us apologizing to one another and saying we will work on it.
The other time we argue is when it’s been one of those weeks and we’re both tired. Being fatigued is stressful when you’re driving and when you’re trying to keep both of you entertained enough to make it to the end of the day so you both can relax. This leads to things being forgotten at the end of the day, like keeping up with blog posts. I also have to make sure he eats and takes breaks as we go down the road. It’s not all snapping pictures and listening to music.
Yes, there are times I want to be by myself.
I am the kind of person that loves her “alone time”. It becomes virtually impossible to do that in a truck, unless I go to the bunk and close the curtains. Meditation? Yeah, I’ve tried doing that going down the road. Nothing breaks your concentration than a major bump on a hopelessly broken road. You go from seeking clarity to grabbing the bunk for dear life so you don’t fall out. Now that I think about it. It’s kind of funny.
Yes, we do this a lot. We talk about the funny shit we’ve done when we weren’t together, the goofy shit Zeus would do, and even talk about loved ones lost. It can be an emotional roller coaster, but you can’t move on until you meet it head-on, talk about it, and get over that hill. Does it mean forgetting the ones you lost? Not in the least. They will be in our hearts forever. The pain will fade, leaving the memories to cherish forever.
Being together every day means constantly talking about saving money, making plans and setting goals for the future. We don’t want to be wandering the country until God knows when. He wants a position in the company where he is home every night and can stream with his friends or goof off with me. I would like a place where I have a proper studio and I can get back to streaming. These are the things we are working towards.
Many people have advice for a healthy relationship. All I can say is you can’t have a relationship without clarity, honesty, trust, mutual respect and love. Without clarity and honesty, there is no trust, and the relationship is built on lies suspicion. That is not a healthy relationship. If you trust and respect your other half, there will be nothing you can’t talk about or work through.
Communication is key. Be open and honest with your partner. Never give them a reason to think you’re doing something behind their back. Talk to them. Listen to them. This is the only way you can grow together, as a couple.
With clarity, honesty, trust, mutual respect, love comes. You can’t force love. You can’t reason love into being. Love just is.
A relationship cannot thrive on insecurity, fear, suspicion, dishonesty, and abuse, and this is for both partners. These are toxic for any relationship and often leads to hurt, vindictiveness, and the end to a relationship. If you are insecure, you will always see your partner in a suspicious light. You will wonder who they are with and what they are doing. This is something only you can overcome. Your partner can help, but they must be willing to live in a glass house to earn your trust. This can lead to resentment from your partner. You’re putting them in a position where they have no privacy, and every relationship needs that as well. In that same vein, if you are constantly checking your partner’s emails to see if they are talking to other people and constantly questioning them, your insecurities may be getting the best of you. I am not saying that all partners are faithful, and this leads to my last point.
Make sure you are in the relationship for the RIGHT reason, wanting to be with them and wanting to spend much of your time with them. Many people get into relationships for reasons that they regret later:
- Getting out of their parents’ house. This never works, and the relationship deteriorates rapidly. I’ve been there.
- Fear of being alone. This can lead to finding oneself in an abusive relationship, where the person with the fear is the person doing the abusing. That abuse is often emotional.
- Settling. Never just settle. It’s the WORST thing you can do, and eventually it will lead to you being miserable and making your partner the same way.
- Money. No, just no, this is one of the WORST possible reasons to be in a relationship. There is no basis for trust here, and you wind up feeling trapped and your partner ends up resenting you or treating you like a trophy.
- Changing the other person. If you look at your partner as a pet project, something to “fix”, they will end up either changing into someone you don’t recognize, or they will hate you for trying to fix them. You need to ask yourself where this need to “fix” someone comes from. You might not like the answer.
Any one of the reasons above can lead to infidelity.
Relationships start with you.
Yes, I am going there. If you can’t stand being alone with yourself, and you hate yourself, you will never find happiness in a relationship. You will always look for flaws and even unconsciously sabotage any relationship you are in simply because you hate who you are.
You need to work on yourself first. When you reach the point where you can look in the mirror and smile at the person looking back at you, when you can spend time alone and not feel the need to surround yourself with people to drown yourself in what you think may be fun, you are ready to be in a relationship.
If you need counseling, seek it out. There is nothing wrong about going to a psychologist to work through any issues you may have about yourself.
Until next time.