Here we go!
“You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.”
― Jodi Picoult
What is she doing?
Well, in order to get my creative juices flowing and motivate myself to write, therefore finishing the umpteen projects I have started, but my ADD has thwarted, I am doing a blog series where I will be writing whatever pops into my head each day for 365 days. That’s right? I get to see first had the craziness that is my mind, my ADD at work, and how I just let it run rampant sometimes in my brain.
I will warn you. My brain is filled with random disjointed thoughts, story ideas, quips, observations of everyday things and a whole ton more. So, this series may be a wild ride for some of you. It may also get serious at times. Brace yourself.
Now that’s out of the way, the first official of my personal writing challenge will be about…
Looking back to move forward…
This past year, we’ve lost three family members:
This is Sue, Ronin’s sister. Cancer took her faster than anyone could have imagined. It was late 2017 when she went to the hospital thinking she had gallstones, and it turned out it was stage four cancer of the liver, lung, and bone, a triple hit.
Sue and I would laugh and talk to one another. She is the one who invited us to move in with her when we had no place to go. We would also argue and yell at one another, but it always worked out alright. You see, we would let out any frustrations we had about one another for about five or ten minutes, go to our respective rooms for about twenty minutes, and then act like it never happened. I miss her smile, and the way she loved her animals, spoiling the crap out of them. Even though she didn’t have much to give, she opened the only home she had to us, and we could never thank her enough.
If ever there was an inspiration to persevere no matter the odds, it was Gabby. Before the age of two, this trooper had to have a triple transplant due to a rare disease, but this daughter (I refuse to use “step”.) was a force of nature. She smiled and brightened a room, and a laugh that would make you laugh, even if you were having the worst day ever. Nothing stopped this kid.
She had no fear when it came to standing her ground, and she had NO problems speaking her mind.
Our only regret is that we wish we could have spent more time with her, and Ronin wishes he could have taken her on the road.
Then there was this guy. I had never had a pit bull before, and now, thanks to Zeus, I can’t wait to have another. This guy wandered up our driveway and into our hearts. Never have I had such an expressive furbaby. He loved to cuddle, play, and most of all, let me know when I had had worked too much by putting his paw in the back of my chair and dragging me away from the table. I will never forget this guy. He left way too soon.
Then we got the house broken into. We had been on the road since September and finally got the chance to go back to the house in December. We found the computers gone, with all the recording equipment. All of the crafting things were gone, including my beading and calligraphy pens. Clothing was mildewed and beyond help, and my stuffed animal collection was beyond help. Some would say this would be the time to say “Fuck it” and give up, but that’s not who I am. That’s not who Ronin is.
We will start over, and 2019 is full of possibilities for people starting over, and that’s what we intend to do. Some people asked why I am spiritual when an “Imaginary sky God” is ridiculous to them. For me, It’s someone to pray to, someone to lean on along with Ronin, and the comfort of knowing there is always hope and a way out of the darkness. Being spiritual to me is believing a greater power is at work, moving me forward and reminding me I have a purpose.
The year 2018, was harsh, grueling, and tumultuous. It was dark, full of missteps and threats of homelessness, but now that I am homeless, it’s not so bad. The year 2018 also reinforced that the best family you can have are the friends that came to help you when you are at your lowest.
I loved 2018, not for the strife, not for the losses. I would be to be a masochist to enjoy the losses. I loved 2018 because of all the friends I made along the way during the year. I loved all the discussions I had, whether they ended in mutual understanding, an agreement to disagree, or the dreaded block. I loved 2018 for the travels and improving my health, and the blessings and promises of better things to come along.
The way I see it, you can wallow in the grief of loss and throw pity parties, or you can count your blessings and list the good things in your life and cling to the good, even if that good are the memories with lost loved ones that made you smile.
Keep your mind open and inspiration will always have a home.